I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
