I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
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