im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
