She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
