Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
All I want is dick and wine.
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