I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
