Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
