She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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