so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
