Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
