I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
