Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
