Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
