There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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