And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
