When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
