were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I have tasted many bathrooms
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
