I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
