Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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