Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
