this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
