5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
