dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize