he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
