I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
