you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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