So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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