When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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