sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
