Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize