You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
