walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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