Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
