he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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