I just made out with a guy for $7.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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