can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
