If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I stole a fireplace last night.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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