Tell her she can't have a vagina
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
