Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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