I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
