Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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