I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
