Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
