he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
