i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
