They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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