i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
