Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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