ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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