Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
