i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
