I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
