Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
