Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
