which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize