quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
