Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
