We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
