he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize