glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
